We generally distinguish between inner and outer, but…the distinction is no more than a form of thought construction…. Change the position, and what is inner is outer, and what is outer is inner. -D.T. Suzuki
Last week was a struggle with finding the word that would resonate with my emotional state: disquiet, restive, ingress, integrity and finally intention. All of those are right, all of those are wrong. Finding the one, right word will not change my state of mind, my state of procrastination.
Do I just reconstruct my thoughts (aka, reframing)? Maybe the rest of the world is moving too fast and I’m just moving fine in my slow-mo, no-go way? That’s not it, not quite. It’s that I put myself out there and it doesn’t really matter — but if there is no “out there” then where am I putting myself? It’s like I somehow have to put myself on display — and that persona is getting tiresome. Hmmm… coming back to integrity. I write to understand the world, and if by chance, it impacts others and helps them in some way — well that’s just grand. But that’s not my main purpose: I write to understand the world and explain it to myself. I am always seeking the new. After so long, this answer.
Damn. I’m in the wrong line of business, no?